


Powerful Stuff

by daftpen



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/F, Forgiveness, Jasper gets her shit together, Jasper has feelings, Multi Chapter, post-corruption, sex at the end, this was going to be slow burn but i don't have the patience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daftpen/pseuds/daftpen
Summary: Jasper and Lapis deal with the aftermath of Malachite and corruption.





	1. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Not everyone gets a second chance. If you do get one, take advantage of it because it’s a gift, and it may be something better than you had before." -Nishan Panwar

Jasper was bubbled for three months before Steven convinced the Gems to release her. “If I can’t heal her then we can bubble her again, but I have to try! I can’t just leave her like that!” He’d said. The Gems weren’t exactly sure why Steven was able to fully heal her corruption, but they speculated that it may have been because she hadn’t been fully corrupted, or perhaps because Steven was getting stronger. She was distant, but quietly grateful toward Steven, and not hostile. The Gems didn’t see much of her for the first week or so, much to their relief. Steven worried over her when she was gone though, and Jasper made sure that he saw her at least once every day, though she would never admit it was on purpose. 

She needed space. Time to think about her next move. She’d come to the conclusion that there was really no point in picking fights with the Crystal Gems; it wasn’t getting her anywhere and they might be the only beings on this or any other planet who might still associate with her after her many failures. Not that she was seeking their approval. Somehow, suddenly, she couldn’t imagine going back to Homeworld and serving Yellow Diamond again. Not after what she’d been through with La- Malachite. With the corruption.

Jasper thought about Pink Diamond. And Rose. And Homeworld. And putting the past behind her, and why,  _ why  _ she was so angry and how she really didn’t want to be anymore. And how, at the right time of day, in just the right light, the beach that the temple was built on was actually kind of beautiful, and maybe there was something to this Earth thing. Maybe. 

It was the fourth week after regenerating, and Jasper was watching TV with Steven in his room (which she was barely able to fit in) while the Gems were elsewhere. Well, Amethyst was supposed to be making sure that Jasper wasn’t around Steven while the others were gone. She was getting pizza on the boardwalk. Jasper understood why they felt the need to take precautions with her, but that didn’t stop her from being bitter about it. Rose didn’t exist anymore. Only her gem remained, and now it was a part of this boy. This boy who somehow had a heart of gold. Anything that happened with her and Rose and the war and their Diamond; that was over, and it had been for a long, long time. Any chance of getting some sort of revenge disappeared along with Rose Quartz fourteen years ago. 

Jasper absent-mindedly watched the sorrowful foods weep on the television as Steven shifted and squirmed, seemingly wanting to say something, but unable to gather his thoughts. Jasper made a face. “Whatever it is, just spit it out.” She grumbled.

Steven smiled shyly. “I just- I wanted to ask if you wanna talk about anything.” 

Jasper furrowed her brow. “Like what?” 

“You know- just- anything. You’ve kind of been through a lot and if you want to talk about anything I’m all ears.” He gave her a nervous smile.

The Gem paused, thinking about it for a moment before getting up and starting down the stairs. “Wait! You don’t have to- I just thought-”

“I don’t need to talk about anything.” Said Jasper. When she reached the lower level she wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t really want to leave, just remove herself from that particular conversation. She sat heavily on the couch, resting her elbows on her knees and looking at the floor. Steven followed her, sitting near her on the couch. 

“I wanted to tell you- Peridot and Lapis are coming tomorrow.” Steven was watching Jasper now, trying to gauge her reaction. “Connie’s never met them and she really wants to, so all of them are coming tomorrow and I just wanted to let you know because- because…” Jasper’s fists were clenched now and there was a look in her eye, something akin to dread. “”Cause I wasn’t sure if you would want to be around…”

“That’s fine.” She said, and Steven wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. 

“Are you gonna talk to her?” Steven asked hesitantly.

Jasper felt the sudden urge to walk away again, but stayed put. “No. I don’t know.” She let her head drop into the palms of her hands. Steven had this annoying way of making someone open up. “She doesn’t want to talk to me. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“And what about you? What do you want?”

Jasper glanced over her hand at Steven before looking away again. Even after regenerating, she felt that something was missing without Lapis; without being fused. But the last time they saw each other was… pretty awful to say the least. Jasper was ashamed, and she had no idea how to even begin to make things right. The two of them had gotten off on the wrong foot and it had stayed that way. Wrong. But Jasper was trying to start over, to work on herself, and she wanted that to include Lapis. Even if they never fused again, even if Lapis was never her friend, she felt that she had to at least try and make it better. Make amends. Even after what they went through together, even after how well they got to know the worst parts of each other, even though she missed her despite all of the bad things, that was really the best she could hope for. Just making amends. Lapis didn’t owe her anything, after all. All of these thoughts ran through Jasper’s head before she could respond to Steven.  “I guess I just… Want her to know that I’m trying to change.” 

Steven offered a smile. “That’s a good start. I’m sure she’ll understand.” Jasper made a face at that but didn’t say anything. 

Just then, the door opened and Amethyst walked in with three pizza boxes and paused at the sight of Jasper on their couch. “Oh. Yeah. I guess I was supposed to be keeping an eye on things… You want some pizza?” 

  
  


That night, Jasper sat on the beach staring out at the ocean. How long Malachite was down there, she couldn’t quite say. She’d lost track of how long she’d been on this planet, which was okay, because she didn’t really want to dwell on exactly how long she was at the bottom of the ocean or how long she’d been out of her mind collecting corrupted Gems, or how long she was trapped in a bubble unable to think or feel or even note her situation at the time. She was grateful that she couldn’t think during that time. It likely would have driven her mad - more so than she already was at that point. She wondered sometimes if, maybe she was corrupted before that, in some slight way, and that’s where all the anger came from. It was easier to think that than accept that she was really just terrible. In any case, she was going to see Lapis tomorrow, and she was thinking over what she could possibly say to the blue Gem. She supposed it would come to her. 

 

Jasper eventually went back in the house, with Garnet keeping watch the whole night. It was annoying, but something she would have to suffer through. 

In the morning, when she had finally had enough of Garnet, Jasper stepped outside, taking in the sight of the ocean from the porch. And there, on the beach, was Lapis Lazuli, standing at the edge of the water like she didn’t know that she was causing Jasper to have a damn panic attack on the front porch of the Crystal Gems’ house. Like she had nowhere else to be. Like she was unaware that she was simultaneously the most beautiful and most terror-inducing thing Jasper had ever seen. She was frozen in place on the porch just staring at the blue Gem wide-eyed when Lapis did the most abominable thing she could possibly have done. She looked right at Jasper.


	2. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

Jasper’s face turned scarlet when Lapis caught her staring from the porch. She turned and stiffly walked down the stairs before heading around the hill and away from the beach, making her way up to the lighthouse and making sure she didn’t look at the blue Gem again on her way there. She felt Lapis’ eyes on her until she was out of her line of sight. Her thoughts were racing by the time she sat heavily on the grass in front of the lighthouse, her knees pulled up and her head in her hands. She didn’t think Lapis would be here _now_. So soon. She wasn’t _ready_.

She was thinking of what she would say if (when?) Lapis came up to join her, while attempting to take calming breaths and reassure herself. Last time she saw Lapis, she was sent flying through the air and back into the ocean, which she had begrudgingly accepted as rejection. It had hurt. At the time she had missed the feeling of being fused with Lapis and the power that came with it. Now she just… missed her. Now her feelings of frustration, anger, and weakness were replaced with guilt, understanding, and a little bit of hopefulness.

Jasper suddenly wished she had waited for Steven to wake up before venturing outside the house. This would be easier if he was around to guide her through it. There were so many things she wanted to say to Lapis, and none of them were good openers. ‘Hey sorry I tried to use you to get revenge on someone who technically no longer exists and destroy the Crystal Gems’ was almost as bad as ‘Long time no see, remember when I stalked you and tried to get you to fuse with me again even though being Malachite was the second worst thing that’s ever happened to you? I was out of my mind but I’m better now so let’s be friends’.

Then it occurred to Jasper that Lapis may not be coming. She may never want to speak to her again. After what the two of them had been through, she would understand completely, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt to think about. Just as she tried pushing that thought from her mind, she heard the rather unique sound of water wings approaching from behind. Jasper tensed, not sure what to expect from the other Gem. She was relieved when Lapis landed gently a few feet away and sat in the grass beside her.

Jasper found herself both afraid to look Lapis and unable to keep her eyes off of her as the other Gem smoothed her skirt over her knees. Lapis was small but by no means was she frail or weak. It still amazed Jasper that Lapis was as powerful as she was, considering her size. Then Lapis looked up at her and their eyes met and suddenly Jasper couldn’t move, couldn’t think. It was as if everything was frozen for a moment before Lapis spoke. “Hey.” she said nonchalantly.

Jasper blinked. “Lapis…” She let the name slip out without thinking, and made a mental note to punch herself in the face later for being such a loser. “Hey.” She felt like everything was riding on this one interaction and all she could muster up was a name and ‘Hey’. Awesome.

Lapis’ eyes roamed, taking all of Jasper in. She had changed a bit when she reformed, but she was definitely still Jasper. Same big hair, same dark stripes, same intense eyes. “You look better.” Lapis said finally, and Jasper wanted it to mean ‘You look good’ but the implication of ‘You don’t look crazy anymore’ was not lost on her. But then, Lapis hadn’t exactly looked to be in the greatest shape last time they met either. Now the light was in her eyes once again and she didn’t look so overtaxed and tired. “You too.” Jasper said honestly.

They looked away from each other then, each trying to think of what they could possibly say. It didn’t take long for the two of them to proclaim “I’m sorry” simultaneously. Jasper gaped and Lapis gave her a hard look. “What are _you_ sorry for?” Lapis asked, “You didn’t do anything to deserve what I did to you. There were a million other ways I could have handled the situation and I- I’m the one who should be saying sorry.” she said, her voice firm but shaking.

“I tried to use you- to hurt the Gems- to- I was gonna _kill_ Steven and I tried to use you to do it.” Jasper said desperately.

“But you didn’t.” Lapis said evenly. “I hurt you, Jasper. I _tortured_ you.” She couldn’t look Jasper in the eye anymore. “I took thousands of years of hurt and anger out on you and you had nothing to do with what I went through.

“It- I wouldn’t call it torture. It wasn’t… comfortable but I’ve been through worse. I missed it once we were separated. I missed feeling strong, and I missed being fused with you.” Jasper paused. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Lapis said quietly. “I guess we’ve both done things we regret.”

Jasper stared out at Beach City, thinking of what to say next and took a deep breath before speaking. “Look, I understand if you don’t want to be around me, but I want you to know that I’m trying to change, to be better- for real this time. And I… I want you to be around for it.” She said, hoping that the orange of the early morning sun was hiding the redness rising to her cheeks.

“I do.” Lapis said. “I mean, I want to be around for that.” she locked eyes with Jasper and gave her a little smile before turning her attention to the horizon. Her feelings toward the larger Gem were convoluted at best and down right fucked up at worst. Looking at her made her insides flutter until she remembered chains and water and darkness. It was like hearing a song you love and suddenly remembering something awful that happened once while it was playing. A kind of tainted fondness.

Jasper looked over at Lapis to see her toying with something around her wrist. “What’s that?” She asked before she could stop herself.

Lapis looked at the bracelet, “Oh, this?” she smiled fondly and held her arm up so Jasper could see the green and blue threads braided around her wrist. “Peridot made it for me. She’s actually kind of great once you get used to her.”

Jasper’s stomach dropped. “Oh.” She looked away and stood up, taking a few steps. “I should go- I told Amethyst I would… do something.” She hadn’t.

Lapis stayed where she was, a little confused. She didn’t want the orange Gem to leave. She looked at Jasper with mild concern. “Oh. Ok, I- I’ll see you later maybe?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jasper said, throwing what Lapis assumed was supposed to be a reassuring look over her shoulder before trudging down the hill. It stung to watch Jasper walk away but Lapis supposed they should take things slow. As soon as that thought entered her mind she rejected it. She didn’t want to take things slow, she wanted to be close to Jasper now. Suddenly her body was practically shaking with the effort to stay put.

Lapis was preparing to stand and go after her when Steven came up behind her, out of breath from running up the hill just as Jasper disappeared. “Aw, man. I missed it. Did you guys talk?”

Lapis looked at him, her face the picture of unease. “Yeah. We talked.” She folded her arms in front of her body like she often did when she was feeling uncomfortable.

“Lapis? What’s wrong?” Steven asked, kneeling down to give her his full attention. “Did something happen? Did Jasper do something?”

“N-no, it’s nothing.”

Steven placed a hand on her arm. “Lapis you’re shaking, are you okay? Did she hurt you?”

“No! I just- I think…” Lapis shook her head.

“What is it, what’s wrong?” Steven asked again, worry in his voice.

“I think I love her.” she admitted incredulously before meeting Steven’s eyes, his expression conveying happiness and confusion simultaneously.

A “Huh.” was all he could muster.

 

Jasper let out a roar as her fist connected with a large rock, sending pieces of it flying in all directions. “Hey!” Amethyst shouted, “I liked that rock!” They were in the Kindergarten, a place where Jasper could blow off some steam without concerning the other Crystal Gems.

Jasper was huffing and staring at her scarlet knuckles. “Sorry.” She said weakly.

“What’s your problem anyway, you seem a little… on edge today.” Amethyst asked, trying to pry without making it sound too much like prying.

“Nothing.” Jasper said, a little nastier than intended. She relaxed. “It’s Lapis.”

“Oh boy.” Amethyst made a face, “Wanna talk about it?”

Jasper growled and slammed her fists into another rock. “ _Why_ does everyone want to _talk_ about everything!”

Amethyst just shrugged. “Sometimes it helps, dude. You keep things bottled up and you go cr- uh, it’s not good for you. Is it about Malachite?”

Jasper leaned heavily against the rock that Amethyst was perched on. “No. Not anymore.”

Amethyst smiled toothily. “Do you Like her?” she asked, elbowing Jasper.

“Does it matter?”

“Not with that attitude.”

“She’ll never have me. I don’t blame her. I’m no good for her or anybody else. Everyone I’ve ever been close to has left me.”

Amethyst wasn’t sure what to say to that. “That’s rough, buddy.” Jasper only nodded. “But hey, that doesn’t mean you’re bad. I mean, look at all the progress you’ve made- you haven’t tried to kill anyone in months!” Jasper smiled a little, so Amethyst continued. “Just because things didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean it’ll always be like that, and it doesn’t mean it was your fault. You gotta keep moving forward, that’s what the Crystal Gems are all about. You take hits but you keep going.”

Jasper nodded. “Maybe. But none of that matters, Lapis has someone else.”

“What? What do you mean someone else-”

“Amethyst!” The two Quartzes looked up to where Garnet was standing several yards away. “Come on, we’re going to need your help on this one.”

Amethyst sighed and hopped down from the rock she was sitting on. “Whelp, duty calls.”

“Jasper.” Garnet addressed the other Gem. “How would you like to come too?” she said with a barely-there smile.

Jasper was surprised but followed the Gems to the nearby warp pad.


End file.
